STOP SEEKING EXTERNAL APPROVAL AND START CREATING FOR YOURSELF

Photographer: Txema Yeste (@txemayeste)

In a world obsessed with likes, comments, and external recognition, it's easy to get caught in the trap of seeking validation. Whether through social media or the approval of peers, the need for external affirmation often shapes our decisions and holds us back from pursuing what we truly desire. For years, I was one of those people—afraid to share my voice, my ideas, and my creativity, all because I was terrified of what others might think.

But here’s what I’ve learned: True freedom comes from within. Real growth starts when we stop waiting for others to approve of our actions and begin validating ourselves.

THE ROOT OF VALIDATION-SEEKING

The desire for validation doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s shaped by experiences, especially from childhood. If you received too much validation as a child, you might grow up seeking constant affirmation in adulthood. If you didn’t receive enough, you may find yourself desperately looking for recognition as a way to compensate for those unmet needs.

As an adult, this need for validation can manifest in several ways. You might struggle with trusting others, feel anxiety when making decisions, or develop a fear of rejection—one that prevents you from putting yourself out there in the first place.

At its core, seeking validation is about feeling seen and worthy. It’s a natural human desire. But when it stops us from taking action, or worse, when it deeply impacts our sense of self-worth, it becomes a problem. I’ve experienced this firsthand. I wanted to launch a YouTube channel, share my thoughts on LinkedIn, and create content, but fear of judgment paralyzed me. I worried about what others would say. And yet, I realized: those same people didn’t have the life I wanted or the wisdom I needed.

That’s when I realized: I wasn’t creating for them. I was creating for myself.

HOW SEEKING VALIDATION HOLDS US BACK

Seeking external validation can take many forms: It stops us from being authentic, drains emotional energy, and keeps us from taking risks or growing. The need for approval can leave us anxious and unsure. But here's the truth: it doesn’t matter what others think. If we wait for external validation, we’ll never be able to pursue our passions or bring our ideas to life.

HOW TO STOP SEEKING VALIDATION: THE FIRST STEPS

When I made the decision to no longer seek validation from others, I started by recognizing the signs of validation-seeking behavior. For example, if you find yourself:

• Struggling to set boundaries with others

• Overachieving to win praise or approval

• Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling "lacking"

• Struggling to make decisions without seeking others' opinions

Then it’s time to stop and ask yourself why. I was guilty of all of these at one point. But acknowledging these patterns is the first step in breaking free from them.

Now, I’m challenging myself—intentionally—to validate myself. The first step in this journey? Embracing the concept of self-affirmation.

THE POWER OF A HIGH FIVE

It might sound strange, but I’ve adopted a simple practice that has had a profound impact on my mindset: I give myself a high five.

Inspired by Mel Robbins’ High Five Habit, this practice is about acknowledging your own victories, no matter how small. Whether it’s uploading a new video, finishing a workout, or sticking to a daily routine, I now take a moment to celebrate myself.

It might feel awkward at first—staring at yourself in the mirror and saying, "You did that!" But over time, these small moments of self-acknowledgment begin to shift your mindset. You start to realize that you don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel good about what you’re doing.

ENCOURAGING YOURSELF LIKE YOU WOULD A FRIEND

Another technique I’ve embraced is speaking to myself with the same encouragement I would offer a friend. If a friend called me up, upset because of a tough situation—whether it’s a breakup or a difficult work scenario—I would lift them up. I would remind them of their strength, their worth, and their capability.

So why don’t we do the same for ourselves?

Now, I make it a point to stand in front of the mirror each morning and encourage myself. I remind myself of my value, my purpose, and my ability to handle whatever comes my way. I tell myself, "You are amazing. You are capable. You can do this."

If I can do this for myself, why can’t you?

EMBRACING THE CRINGE

One of the biggest obstacles in the journey toward self-validation is embracing discomfort. Doing the things that make you cringe, that make you feel vulnerable, is part of the process.

For me, this came in the form of rebranding my business, launching new content on platforms I’d been avoiding, and publicly sharing my thoughts on LinkedIn. It was scary. It made me uncomfortable. But I pushed through, because I knew I was being true to myself.

And here’s the thing: the more you push through that discomfort, the more you realize that it doesn’t matter if people "like" your posts or "approve" of your decisions. What matters is that you’re being authentic, that you’re showing up for yourself. And that, in itself, is enough.

FINDING YOUR WHY

Finally, I encourage you to identify your why—the deeper reason behind why you do what you do. For me, it’s about helping others build better lives and better brands. It’s about sharing what I’ve learned and empowering others to step into their own greatness. When I focus on my why, the opinions of others fade into the background. The fear of rejection becomes less relevant because I’m anchored in something bigger than myself.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This process of self-validation isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But every step you take—whether it’s posting that cringy video, sharing that vulnerable thought, or simply giving yourself that high five—brings you closer to a version of yourself that doesn’t need validation from anyone but you.

So, I challenge you to take that step. Stop waiting for the approval of others. You don’t need it. You are enough, exactly as you are.